Crystal Gild
Posted on Wednesday, June 9th, 2010 at 2:01 pmwrote a poem ,what do you think, bit shy about it?
see her.
swamped by the morality of time.
a spectre etched on a crystal ball,
fortune foretold and never forgotten.
a queen of hearts if not her own,
lust whos danger cannot be withdrawn
a spell upon her essence, tied to a feeling,
hope can never perish in water this deep.
the key to her mystery will never fit the lock.
gilded dreams of nights parallel have never been so close
to feel and to taste and smell the invisible
has become a pleasant scar upon the soul
now the twisted barbs of karma loosen their grip,
but not before the tide has passed.
can someone hear, the silent scream on her breath?
it will go unanswered because thats what she wants.
a never ending wonderland,a otherworldly retreat.
where death breathes life into the void.
oh yeah ignore the spelling etc it was on notepad didnt correct it.
It's good has plenty of pain but I would read it out loud and look for the blind areas and what I mean by blind areas is when you read it out loud to your self you will hear where it needs work.
Then you can work on rewriting it keep reading it out loud to your self as you rewrite it until you can hear it ring with the potential that it has.
I am not criticizing your poem just offering suggestion's keep up the good work.
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